Black Ivory & Kopi Luwak Coffee

     Let's say you go to a friend's house, and they make you a simply exquisite cup of coffee, and you ask, "Where did this coffee come from?" and your friend says, "an elephant's ass"-- Would you be alarmed? Would you spit it out? Or would you go get yourself a pound of those ass-beans?

     Because, apparently, these pre-digested coffee beans go for an awful lot of money. It's funny, because I used to joke, back in my barista days, whenever I was helping a really particular guest... Could you cut it into four pieces, toast two, butter one, and bag them each individually? ...for some reason? or something like that, and I'd always think Oh, no problem! Would you like me to eat it for you too? But damn. These people actually pay for some animal to eat and excrete their beans for them... The world never fails to amaze me.

     This process is not done just for fun, however. There's an enzyme in the stomachs of these animals that breaks down the coffee protein, which eliminates the bitterness and makes for the most expensive and high-class cup of crappy coffee you've ever had.

     Black Ivory refers to beans that have been excreted by Thai elephants. While Kopi Luwak refers to beans digested by an Asian Palm Civet, which looks almost like a cross between a possum, skunk and weasel. Cute, right? I want one.
     I'd much rather deal with civet scat, which looks about as bad as a peanut-coated candy bar. But the elephant poop--you either have to stand behind the elephant and pray to god you catch it as it comes, in your tiny little bowl, or else you've got to go sift through big steamy piles of the stuff. No, thank you.

    Just be careful, if you really do want to buy it, most of the Kopi Luwak out there is counterfeit, because about twice as much animal-excreted coffee beans are sold as are actually produced. Although,you likely wouldn't notice the difference anyway.
    However, I can vouch for ValDeMar's authenticity (click here to see certification).