Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Starbucks Groupies

    You know those girls who are always inexplicably instagramming pictures of their Starbucks beverages and uploading them to facebook? Worse yet, others feel the need to post replies and like the post, and declare how desperate they suddenly are for a Frappuccino. Why on earth should your beverage be anybody's business? But it's very big news, apparently. Of such importance, in fact, that some of these girls adorn their fingernails in matching Starbucks-colored polish.

      I call these girls Starbucks Groupies. You know who I'm talking about. It's the same girls who wear short shorts in the dead of winter, and sunglasses in the middle of the night for no apparent reason.

     You see, it's this phase girls go through in high school, when they first discover how grown up it feels to drink coffee, and the importance of consuming excessive amounts of caffeine.

     Starbucks has become a right of passage for these girls. A fallback identity if you can't figure out how to form your own. It's easy. Just swap out your wardrobe for a bunch of grungy thrifty shit. Wear plenty of scarves and beanies. Instagram everything. Chew way too much gum. Listen to some whiney indie music and you're set! America's Next Top Starbucks Groupie!

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